RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
