Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
