You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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