so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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