I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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