I want to walk on stilts...naked
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
