Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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