I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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