Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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