I'm really into asian looking animals
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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