I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
