don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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