I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize