Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
