If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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