you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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