So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
