Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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