We won't sleep together?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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