A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
