is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish you could order shots online.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
