i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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