I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
