i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
