sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
