ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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