Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
