the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
