wanna go halves on a baby?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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