Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
