is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
