She said her name was "party"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
