I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
