That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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