I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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