You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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