Its about making memories worth repressing
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
