maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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