I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
