I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Randomize
