on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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