I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
