Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
