So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We are two peas in an std pod
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
