Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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