i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
