I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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