ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize