from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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