I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
