..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
