My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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