so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
