is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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