Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
NoShamevember. You game?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
