we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize