I wish I could punch you in the face.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
