I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
