My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
