why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
