dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
