DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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