I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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