i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
