But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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