mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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